I lived with this guy once-Wacko Mike. Wacko liked dark beer, 3 foot bong rips, and physics. His dad was a cop. He was tall, rotund and had bright, bright red hair. He prided himself on his huge, equally-red mutton-chops. His body too was covered in this thick, red carpet. Naked, he was an apparition. When Wacko spoke it sounded like he had emphysema. He was jolly. He was critical. Wacko never wore shoes, instead insisting on walking barefoot, always. We all assumed he was a virgin until several of us walked in on him in the laundry room of a house party-sucking on a girl’s boob. They were both standing, she lifting her shirt up to grant him access.
He was a character from my first years at university-the corduroy era. I lived with him during my last year of university-the get a girlfriend and good grades era. Our common interests during the corduroy era included:bong rips, chuckling, dark beer, hemp necklaces, and getting wasted. During the last year era: living together and not getting along.
He had a free room, I moved in in the fall of my last year. We began to bicker when I got a girlfriend. Suddenly, my dishes weren’t clean enough. My cat’s litterbox: not emptied frequently enough. Me: the new jerk. He asked me to move out. I was upset, and said no.
He brought up trivial things as reasons to move-out. I retorted by pointing out that when he would jerk-it in the shower, I, and my girlfriend could tell, because his effluent would settle in the drain upon a nest of his drain-clogging, red hair. This embarrassed him, and addled his demonization of me.
My cat never pooed on the carpet during her tenure with Wacko Mike and I at the Belvedere Apartment complex, I loved her for that. She never pooed, until Wacko Mike and I started arguing. Then she did it everyday. She even sprayed on his backpack, I loved her for that. This was too much for Wacko, he couldn’t live with a carpet-pooping cat, with him never wearing shoes and all.
Our last argument got pretty heated–shouting almost coming to blows. He moved out. I had defeated the Sasquatch.
From Neatorama San Francisco contemplates renaming sewage treatment plant after BushWhere else but glorious San Francisco? A group of San Franciscan patriots has proposed a fitting tribute for our outgoing President:
