s.f. bayarea craigslist > san francisco > domestic gigs

please flag with care:

Nemesis required. 6-month project with possibilty to extend (inner sunset / UCSF)

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Reply to: gigs-672031640@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-07, 2:49PM PDTI’ve been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I’m 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I’m old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I’m willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, “Ahha, we meet again”. That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.British accent preferred.

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 The Nemesis is on the Premises

 

Shaan Kirpalani to gigs-672031640

show details 10:32 AM (0 minutes ago)

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from Shaan Kirpalani <kirpalani1@gmail.com> to gigs-672031640@craigslist.org date Thu, May 8, 2008 at 10:32 AM subject The Nemesis is on the Premises mailed-by gmail.com

hide details 10:32 AM (0 minutes ago)

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Hallo Meine Future Enemy-

My name is Dr. Eisprung von Jenseits. I am from Austria. I beleive this nemesis position would make for a good employment possibility. It was a funny story. I was looking for an onlinelover on the Craigslists, and thought I had writed “neurosis”, but I discovered that I had put in the “nemesis.” This is also the name of my favorite Star Trek film starring Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner…he is fantastisch. This is also I find very funny, I had for many years thought the Englishword nemesis, in reality had to mean neurosis. Because the silly humans are very nervous about the galaxy being ubertaken by these Romulans, them I find mysterious and handsome.

also, I am here in the american countryside, making holiday. I find the land of stars and stripes very wonderful and super. I am currently living in the RIchmond Quarter of San Francisco. this also is a funny story how i came here. I was looking for love (in all the wrong places) like the american pop song, and met an onlinelover who lived here in San Francisco, where the hippies had to be invented. We went to his house for eveningsupper, and I ate him. Now i have his single apartment to selfenjoyment. And an entire city to make party.

also,
I would like to be your neurosis. This is good idea. I have very time to do this. I have an evil laugh. I am an Austrian, it is in my jeans to be sadistich and evil. I can trip you. I think it would also be fantastich to wear a cape in my pursuit of you. Do you like the high speed chase? Would make party if during your weekendenjoymenttime you took your family for a ride in one of these yellow go-carts around the city and i chased you, with my cape flowing like the american fields of wheat and grain behind me. I have assigned a picture of me as a youth to these email. Please choose and enjoy me

Eisprung

Original Posting

looking for a good deal on car insurance… - 26 (mission district)
Reply to: pers-529965460@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-01-05, 11:10PM PST

I sort of like those new Oreo commercials in which two people compete to see who can lick the chocolate cookie outside clean of the cream filling inside, because it’s the person whom you don’t think is going to win who wins.

Yet I prefer the Examiner to the Onion. I’d rather stare at my own shoes then play Sudoku (sp?). If you take me to Vegas, I will in fact spend all of my own money and whatever of yours you foolishly give me. I love pizza. I drink wine by myself. I drink vodka with others. I think American Spirits are gross, but give me a marlboro red during any off-the-wagon falling! Basically, I’m bored because I’m boring. But I plan on masturbating later, after the pizza’s here.

Basically, I’m just a random and interesting girl looking for a random and interesting guy to talk to.

My Response

from Shaan Kirpalani
to pers-529965460@craigslist.org,
date Jan 7, 2008 5:53 PM
mailed-by gmail.com
subject: Unfortunately, a douche

Well…according to this survey, anyway:

http://men.style.com/details/polls/douchebag/douchebag

…a “Stone-Age” douche to be exact. My celebrity douchequal, according to survey: John Mayer. Who is, sadly, unlike me–a silky-voiced douche.

You see, we are both douches, but John gets to sleep with beautiful celebrities and do celebrity stuff carrying out his douchebaggery, whereas I procrastinate work, and in executing my douchebaggery, find myself cruising the craigslist personals to make some tough decisions, namely:

Choosing to respond to you or to pers-530642057 who writes:

l who lives by the stump of a birch tree seeks a lad who lives under a mushroom (or in a tree, or even a gingerbread house!). A right little mystical, forest-dweller sort. …also, sprites, fay, and elves are also very much welcome. No gnomes though - with all due respect, their beards are too big and bushy for me.

Please be intelligent and in reasonably good shape. I hope you have heard my call - I am waiting for you.

Tough call. Oh, and thanks for not being pers-5300911209 who writes:

I am a young professional and I am seeking the same. I would like to meet someone who can challenge me mentally and physically. You can challenge me mentally by giving me a book to read. We can dicuss the contents of that book later. You can challenge me physically by climbing the walls of Mission Cliffs. A date to me can mean anything. A date can mean going out to dinner and having a couple of drinks afterwards. A date can also mean staying in and watching a movie.

I am 30 years old, well traveled, and into sports. I have been to parts of Asia and Europe. I go to the gym at least 4 times a week. I enjoy volleyball, tennis, snow boarding, and soccer. I have brown hair and brown eyes. I am 5 feet 7 inches tall. In my spare time, I like hanging out with my friends, trying new restaurants, reading, and trying new things. If you’re interested…let me know.

“Trying new things…” gross

I’m here, pers-529965460, for one simple reason: Well, two, actually, the aforementioned procrastination of work, and to offer the promise of sex. Its true.

In exchange for the promise of my sex, you will offer banter, and open and enjoy the many links to stupid surveys found in e-magazines that I send you.

You may call me Ktulu.

That is all

from Eivan lew
to kirpalani1@gmail.com,
date Jan 10, 2008 3:12 PM
subject ribbinin
hide details 3:12 PM
Reply

compliments kirpalani1
Women will like your winter power. order that medicine now
http://patpongshopping.com
Eivan lew

from Shaan Kirpalani
to Eivan lew ,
date Jan 9, 2008 9:44 PM
subject Re: ribbinin
mailed-by gmail.com

Thankyou Eivan. What is winter power, exactly…Is this some kind of season in my pants?